Mockingwyrd unannounced

Hunting the groove

Thu, 21 Aug 2008 14:55:19 GMT

Well now, I've been at a loss for words.

My life seems to be dominated by music or sound. It seems to take up a very large portion of my free time. But even so, I have a very limited amount of time for it. I can live with that. Survival must come before self-indulgence.

The last year has been one of revelation for me, musically. It began when last August I got some quite crushing critique on my playing, especially the rhythmic sense of my playing. It was crushing for the reason that I couldn't even understand the points that the critiquers were making. For a couple of months I pondered and tried to listen, but understanding just would not come. I just could not hear the rhythmic points that I was supposed to hear, at least according to these people for whose musical understanding I have not a little respect.

The funny thing was that I DID finally grasp what they were getting at. It was small nuance, but it took ages to understand. And when that understanding came, it came in a moment, on a Wednesday evening. One of those little moments of illumination. And afterwards I have understood and been able to correct that part in my playing at least mostly. I now have a little more understanding of the feel of rhythm.

From there I continued on with musical introspection. The main questions at this time being rhythm and feel. And after spending quite a while in the spring recording and mixing a two-song CD, I feel that I have gained some more illumination. But it is an uphill battle for one who has so little time these things.

The greatest thing about these small points that I have understood is the increased understanding of the rhythmic feel of music. Self-analysis is easier as is the channeling of emotion into my playing. And that last part is a BIG thing. I get more out of playing than I did before and I also feel that I am able to put more of myself and emotion into my playing.

Another book list

Sat, 31 May 2008 17:09:16 GMT

To continue an old habit:

1. Books I've recently read:
Martin: Hellenistic Religions - An Introduction
Cornwell: The Alfred the Great series
Pinch & Trocco: Analog Days - The Invention and Impact of the Moog Synthesizer
Burkert: Babylon, Memphis, Persepolis - Eastern Contexts of Greek Culture

2. Books I'm currently reading:
Abrahams: Hawkwind - Sonic Assassins
McCauley & Lawson: Bringing Ritual to Mind - Psychological Foundations of Cultural Forms
Erickson: Brief Lives of the English Monarchs - From William the Conqueror to Elizabeth II
Boardman et al.: The Oxford History of Greece and the Hellenistic World
Gazzaniga et al.: Cognitive Neuroscience - The Biology of the Mind
Huysmans: The Damned (Là-Bas)
Herodotus: Histories
Womack: Elvissey
Dawkins: The God Delusion

3. Book waiting in line:
Turcan: The Cults of the Roman Empire
Sorensen: A Cognitive Theory of Magic
Kerenyi: Eleusis

4. Books I want to read:
Witt: Isis in the Ancient World
Trappenberg: Fundamentals of Computational Neuroscience

5. Book I last left unfinished:
Errr, ummm, Crowley: Wicca :)
Dumezil: Archaic Roman Religion
Herodotus: Histories

Silly grin

Mon, 21 Jan 2008 20:32:00 GMT

I wore a silly grin for most of the weekend.

It seems that our gig on friday went down really well with the audience. Friends and strangers liked us and had a good time. I had a good time and the whole group felt really great.

It was quite a rush. It was fun to play, although there were problems too. Like thinking that I was playing out of tune because I couldn't hear the guitarist and the stage resonated strangely. But, locking with the drummer and playing myheart out. Loving the songs.

I've come down now and resumed my normal life. But the taste lingers. I'm getting ready for next weekend's recording session. I'm thinking about how to record the bass. I'm thinkin about synthesizer-sounds. I'm also concentrating very much on other aspects of my life, like work and loved-ones.

Jitters

Thu, 17 Jan 2008 05:11:07 GMT

We're playing a gig tomorrow. The second one with this group. I'¨m feeling tingly and jittery. Anticipation.

Even more fun is the fact that we're going to start recording two songs after the gig. I really like recording. Even though playing songs live is great and the songs get a feel to them, I still am more excited about recording. About making a "definitive" version of a song. Of being able to add all those little bits that really can't be done live. Of aiming for some sort of momentary perfection. Oh yes, that is so much fun. And hard work.

Another new year?

Wed, 02 Jan 2008 11:09:54 GMT

And I just can't stop hearing the Meat Puppets singing: "Whoever made up the calendar was wrong, it's new year's all year long". So there.

An arbitrary date.

All the same, enjoy it!

Brighter notes

Wed, 24 Oct 2007 05:22:27 GMT

I decided to write something more positive than my previous message.

Lately I've been listening to interesting music. Namely two artists come to mind: the early 80's American punk/hardcore trio The Minutemen and jazz-fusion bassist Jonas Hellborg.

Though musically totally different, it does seem that these two have something in common: a total, uncompromising attitude towards their music. I enjoy that in music, though by no means do I mean that it is the ony way etc. But these artists do show me how great things can come out of relentlessly pursuing your ideals. It brings a sense of power and drive to the music. The gleam in the eye of the musician is visible through the music. This I like.

Work is the curse of the drinking classes...

Wed, 24 Oct 2007 05:10:59 GMT

I've been working. Quite a bit. It feels like work is bleeding out of my ears and other orifices. I'm too tired to do anything but work and some music related stuff. Actually, the music part is what gives me energy.

The really negative part of this is that I seem to be retreating into my own head. I'm even less sociable than usual. I only seem to think about work and music, and even those thoughts are not very creative, rather just observing or performing under outside pressure.

Next week a new course starts, so maybe that will bring change? I hope so, because feeling numb like this is strange.

Today I'm going swimming. Two weeks ago swimming felt good. I'm tryingto pick up the habit of swimming at least once a week.

We'll see. I'm hopeful, as I am not feeling bad, just a kind numb. And quite often while playing music I feel exhilarated too.

And on a more humorous note, though relating to all this, one of my customers remarked that have I noticed that we're all working so much that we don't have the time or energy for drinking anymore. That got me thinking. Not that I drink so much anyways, but the fact that I've drunk absolutely no alcohol for months. (One nightcap last weekend). Strange.

Working in a coal mine...

Thu, 20 Sep 2007 16:37:29 GMT

Going down, down...

Lots of work.

When stressed and tired from work I usually get terrible pangs of G.A.S. (= Gear Acquisition Syndrome). It's very strong right now.

Oh well...

Surfing the low frequencies...om mani padme BOOOOM!

Books...

Fri, 13 Jul 2007 18:36:41 GMT

About a year ago I posted a list like this in Finnish. I felt it was interesting idea, so I'm doing an updated (or maybe not as updated as i would like...) version of it.

1. Books I've recently read:
Mithen: Prehistory of the Mind
Burkert: Ancient Mystery Cults
Moore (?): Strangers in Paradise series

2. Books I'm currently reading:
Crowley: Wicca (yeah, I know, I know)
Beard&North: Religions of Rome, vol. 1 History
A few Lobo comics

3. Book waiting in line:
Martin: Hellenistic Religions, an Introduction
McCauley&Lawson: Bringing Ritual to Mind, Psychological Foundations of Cultural Forms
Turcan: The Cults of the Roman Empire

4. Books I want to read:
Too many to list.

5. Book I last left unfinished:
Errr, ummm, Crowley: Wicca :)
Dumezil: Archaic Roman Religion

Vacation! Feels almost like a holiday!

Fri, 13 Jul 2007 18:18:40 GMT

So, I'm on vacation. Two weeks! Only a couple of calls per day from customers. Freedom!

I'm really enjoying the time. Spending relaxed days with my beloved, playing lots of music, thinking about music, photographing rabbits and looking for mushrooms. What's there not to like? The rain is great, the sun is great, the lake is great.

I've actually been sleeping very poorly: nightmares and just plain insomnia. But it doesn't really matter. I can't really be arsed to care, I'm on vacation.

More bass! More overdrive! More flanger!

Interesting meme...

Tue, 19 Jun 2007 06:31:10 GMT

I am somewhat suprised by the results of this test.

You scored as Discordian, You are a Discordian! That makes you a real oddball, and this is a fact in which you take great pride! Everything is funny, and really, who cares anyway? Synchronicity is the Great Cosmic Comedy, and meaning is where you find it! Have you hugged your paradigm today?

</td>

Discordian

95%

White Lighter

60%

Spiritualist

60%

True Alternative

55%

Magician

55%

Otherkin

35%

Mystic

35%

Aimless Eclectic

30%

What Subversive Alternative Paradigm Are You?
created with QuizFarm.com

Suicidal!

Tue, 19 Jun 2007 06:13:57 GMT

All right and rockin'! Just saw Suicidal Tendencies live last week. What an absolutely marvelous gig! The energy was outrageous. The ony down part is that I was feeling too old and fragile to really dive into the maelstrom of the mosh-pit. Actually, I was scared for my knees and my glasses. But I did manage to jump around enough to get a good back and neck ache for a few days. Them muscles, them unused muscles, you know...

So, what made the concert so wonderful? The music, of course, and also the varied ravings from Mike Muir. Brilliant stuff. And all those lovely hits from way back when: I saw your Mommy (and your mommy's dead), War Inside my Head, How Will I Laught Tomorrow...When I can't Even Smile Today and Possessed to Skate. Oh dear me. Almost feeling half my age. Except for the fragility and those aching muscles.

Anyway, it was glorious to attend a frenzied gig once more. Brings to mind early 90's gigs by Entombed, Xysma and Infectuous Grooves.

Blam!

"I never said I don't like religion, I just don't like TV...."
- Suicidal Tendencies

Tue, 20 Feb 2007 17:46:57 GMT

Have you ever noticed how excruciatingly difficult it is to mold one's thoughts and feelings into words? The pressure mounts inside, yet the essence of that which causes the pressure does not escape even when given a vent.

The feeling of shouting at your own brain cage?
The feeling of your mind being surrounded by a void which it cannot cross?

At times I finding making music to be a way out of the cage. Sometimes.

Most of the time the pressure just fades, seems to seep back into whatever meandering caverns it welled up from.

Is this what is usually called life?

Amsterdam...

Wed, 24 Jan 2007 18:13:30 GMT

First 24 hours in Amsterdam. A badly slept night, because of a fire alarm in the hotel. This seems like a city. I guess it is. But cities are just cities. Which is often bothersome.

I had to escape Finland for a few days because my first solo album was released by Someplace Else. Such a strange feeling. Recording the album was intense. Improvised. I think the two pieces on the record capture my feelings at those moments pretty nicely. I am happy.

I am happy in many ways. Life is moving once again.

Wed, 17 Jan 2007 19:16:41 GMT

Good morning Life!

I am back!
I am alive!
I can Feel!

Feels good to be back. I am still a bit dazed, because it was a long journey. But this monday I woke up and felt whole again. For the first time in years.

I've been enjoying life and haven't even noticed it. Strange, eh?

I'm going to turn the amp to 11 and blow them speakers. I'm going to photograph the rising sun. I am going to swim in the icy water. I'm going to bathe in the steamy sauna. I am going to feel.

Cheers, mates!

Tue, 05 Dec 2006 07:36:28 GMT

In a dream, I apologized to an elephant.

In real life I blacked out.

Strange happenings.

Music. Sounds.

Primordial Soup.

Feeling unsure. Feeling light-headed.

Wondering about how cutting the bass frequencies from a recorded bass guitar make it sound so much better in the mix. :) (No, it does not sound like one of those thin-stringed instruments, it still sounds like a bass, but it doesn't drown out the world anymore.)

Whoa...

Sat, 21 Oct 2006 09:16:33 GMT

Life has been hectic. Lots of work, some reading and lots of music.

Adjusting to my new job has gone really well. I enjoy the work and the people. Still, a new beginning is always somewhat stressful, so I've been tired.

We visited Crete. Very beautiful island. Those mountains and vales, gotta love'em. I myself was most interested in the Minoan stuff and it certainly didn't leave me cold when I got to some of the old ruins. A feeling of history. Nigh 4000 years. And I don't blame them, that island is a paradise. Also got to do some snorkeling and watch little fishies living their lives. I have to get a camera that works underwater or some kind of system for my current camera.

My bands have been quite active and I've really enjoyed playing the new bass. My bandmates have also liked it, to the point of one of the guitarists wanting to try it at each practice. Maybe he has regrets about playing one of those short-necked wimpy sounding things... :)

I've also gotten the itch to work with synthesizers. Preferrably analog, but thankfully there are wonderful, free software synths available. I've just messed around and made interesting (??) sounds. Lots of fun. Maybe even educational somehow.

And last, but certainly not least, I have started studying once more. We'll see what happens. At least it's fun.

Tue, 17 Oct 2006 18:27:12 GMT

Following the others...

Create your own! Originally Written By ga_woo, Hosted and ReWritten by darkman424

Sun, 13 Aug 2006 07:45:01 GMT

I'm starting to wake up. I am even enjoying music once more, both making and listening.

Now I just have to get my studies and work going too. This seems like a somewhat daunting task at times, but life seems to be getting better.

I did go on a materialistic splurge and bought a new bass guitar. A Rickenbacker 4003 Fireglo. I've been wanting a Rickenbacker for nigh 20 years, so I decided to take the plunge. I have not regretted that decision. The feel of the instrument as well as its sound are very different from what I'm used to. I guess sometimes it's a good thing to satisfy such materialistic urges.

Hawkwind meme

Fri, 11 Aug 2006 16:16:45 GMT

Got this from friends. The songs are by Hawkwind.

1. Are you male or female? -- Adjust Me
2. Describe yourself? -- Joker at the Gate
3. Describe how you live? -- Watching the Grass Grow
4. Describe your boy/girlfriend? -- Sweet Mistress of Pain
5. How do you feel about yourself? -- Brainstorm
6. Where would you rather be? -- Time We Left (This World today)
7. Describe what you want to be? -- Master of the Universe
8. Describe how you love? -- Love In Space
9. How do some people feel about you? -- Quark, Strangeness and Charm
10. Share a few words of wisdom? -- You Know You're Only Dreaming

Ja suomeksi...

Wed, 14 Jun 2006 07:42:08 GMT

Noniin, Thullylta pöllittyä...hauska idea.

1. Juuri luettua:
Diamond: Tykit, taudit ja teräs
Mithen: After the Ice : A Global Human History 20,000-5000 Bc
Heikkilä, Niskanen: Euroopan synty - keskiajan historia
Niven: Neutron Star

2. Parhaillaan luettavana:
Willetts: The Civilization of Ancient Crete
Dickie: Magic and Magicians in the Greco-Roman World
Dukes: Uncle Ramsey's Little Book of Demons
Crowley: Wicca

3. Lukujonossa vuoroaan odottavat:
Dukes: What I did in my Holidays
Liian monia... (So many books, so little time...)

4. Haluaisin lukea:
Aika monta opusta omasta hyllystäkin.

5. Kirja jonka jätin viimeksi kesken:
Öh, ei voi muistaa. Monta on parhaillaankin kesken.

Fri, 31 Mar 2006 08:33:00 GMT

Words are gone.
Music is gone.

What remains?

Sun, 19 Feb 2006 09:49:30 GMT

I've been sleeping poorly. I can't get to bed on time and when I do, my brain keeps going. I find it hard to calm down and actually sleep. This seems to mean that I need to get into the habit of doing some evening meditation and relaxing.

Work has been going well. Lots to do and interesting stuff.

I got a new camera, but haven't really had time to try it out much, mainly because of almost constant cloud cover. I am really dying to get out and try photographs of the night sky. I've also been too lazy to go out walking much.

Music-wise things are moving and not moving. (Some kind of balance, eh?) The new Radio Kuu album is coming along quite nicely with mixing starting next week. Typhon Sleeps Heavily has been stirring slightly, with promises of new things to come and even KiE-people have been talking of playing together, maybe even throwing a gig. And the music and sounds inside my head are dead. Zilch. Nada.

I've had time to start reading fiction again. Although 20 pages in 2 weeks isn't much, but since the time has been very limited I find it enough. I found one of my old favorite authors, C. J. Cherryh, and started reading a boom of her's I haven't read before. Feels so good. I really like her style and the universe she has created.

I've also been enjoying setting up a new home-computer. AMD-processor and Linux-system. Had some memory-problems, but those are being taken care of. It's nice to not be in a hurry with a computer. Setting it up slowly, setting it up just right for yourself. Since I spend so much time at the computer, I want it to be almost perfect.

Everything seems banal and worthless

Mon, 16 Jan 2006 19:23:55 GMT

Except studies and perhaps astrophotography.

Magic, work, music. All three seem banal, boring, noninteresting. Time, freedom, the forest and the stars. Those have meaning right now. Books on ancient religions, physics, cellular biology and astrophotography. Those have meaning right now.

Interesting, eh? Music seems boring and banal, am I crazy? That's just what I feel right now. I am not actually interested in my own music or anyone else's right now. The important phrase here seems to be "right now". There's a time for most everything?

Magic just doesn't seem important right now. I feel distanced and uninterested. Meditation is ok, especially when done on a starry night in the middle of an iced-over lake. (A telescope or camera are not detrimental to meditation.)

Work seem uninteresting and stressful. But I will persevere, as it is a means to an end. And I do like food and a roof over my head. As opposed to magic or music, work has quite an immediate effect on myself and my future. Call me an opportunist.

The other theme which seems to be floating around me almost continuously (right now) is tiredness. I am tired. I think these things might be connected.

I also think I need water. I will visit the swimming pool in the next two weeks.

Turning pages on the calendar

Sun, 01 Jan 2006 15:34:26 GMT

Well, another year has come, according to the calendar. So be it.

What happened last year? It just disappeared. It did leave some memories. Some highlights:

- I graduated
- My Beloved moved in with me
- I gained weight and was very stressed almost all year
- I started taking very mild blood pressure pills, which seem to have corrected my high blood pressure

As we can see, the positive things seem to be on top. Which is nice.

I didn't make any new year's resolutions, never have and possibly never will.

I have no idea where this year will take me. Too many things are on the move. But it does feel good.